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The answer to self-sabotage is not to self-sabotage yourself.
Years of research and several bookshelves filled with self-help books have brought me to this astounding conclusion.
I could have saved myself a few bucks or hundreds if I had put the red heels on. (in the podcast I said they were 6 inches but 3 inches feels like 6 to me: only referring to shoes though lol)
Writing has been a therapy. Looking at past writing, you can view the ebbs and flows, ups and downs, and highs and lows, to most of it.
Self Sabotage, I have mastered; that trait or quality is apparent whether I would like to acknowledge it or not.
Drowning in inspiration and advice from the books, podcasts, and audiobooks, my "ah ha" moment, or what I call my "holy crap" moment, started to come clear to me.
Not that I did not know this already, the notion I lack self-confidence and that I sabotage everything with my fears; the new realization was the fact that I was waiting for something to change. What the hell was I waiting for?
All this time, I was waiting for change to happen. Was it to come in a lightning bolt to jolt my life in a new direction? Maybe a special delivery right to my front door?
It will not manifest, especially with me shutting the door on change every time it appears.
I took time to reflect and stood back from it all before the pieces started coming together. Now in no way am I where I want to be, but the door is open for new and exciting things to enter my life.
One thing that holds me back is the lack of self-confidence; it is more an ingrained negative self-perception that most likely has some deep seeded root that someday will surface.
The first thing that sparked was when I was listening to an interview that led to the question: 'When was the last time you felt outstanding?
My answer was
First, I'm not too fond of shoes and shopping altogether, and I often wonder if I am some other breed of woman. Second, I like simple, or at least that is what I thought before.